Although born Jewish, I was active in Bible studies with Baptist and other evangelical churches for over three years, and went to Christian camps during my summers. For a long time, I was actively involved with Jews for Jesus, handing out tracts (leaflets), attending "Messianic" retreats and Bible study courses. I felt more comfortable studying with other Jews who also believed in Jesus, or Yeshua, as we called him. Most of the people involved with Jews for Jesus had the same limited Jewish background as I, and like me were dissatisfied with their previous experiences of Judaism. But now we considered ourselves "completed Jews." At Bible study sessions, we studied both the "New" and "Old" Testaments. Using the "Old" to prove that Jesus was indeed the prophesied Messiah, I was very content with my relationship with "the Lord" and with my involvement in Jews for Jesus.
One day, I handed out a tract to a religious Jewish woman and told her about the spiritual completeness and close relationship one can have with G-d through belief in Yeshua (Jesus). I showed her many passages in the "Old" and "New" Testaments, as she listened to my enthusiastic "witness." After I finished, she asked me some basic questions about Jewish holidays and prayers. Her questions caught me off guard. I felt flustered and ashamed that I didn't know the answers. In my frustration, I asked her if she felt that she had a personal relationship with G-d, something I knew I didn't feel growing up as a Jew. "Yes," she said, "why don't you come over to my home for Shabbat and decide for yourself whether we Jews have a relationship with G-d?" She gave me her number and left.
Her many questions pounded in my head. Why didn't I know about those holidays? Had I really given Judaism a chance? I had never met a religiously committed Jew before, and had thought they existed only in books. My "Hebrew Christian" friends tried to dissuade me from calling this woman. But I felt that, if I really believed in Jesus, I would see that her spirituality was false. I didn't think anything could get in the way of my relationship with Jesus.
I went to the home of those observant Jews and was over-whelmed by the beauty of Shabbat. It seemed that everything they did was related to G-d. From the blessing of the children to the flickering of the Havdalah candle, there was something holy about their Jewish lifestyle. I felt oppressed by my ignorance, and wanted to know more. I prayed to Jesus to show me the way, but in time my commitment began to change. I realized that I didn't need an intermediary to relate to G-d.
The more I studied the Torah's views of the relationship between man and G-d, the more I realized that the Trinity could not be a biblical concept and the more I felt allied with traditional Judaism. While studying the Torah in Hebrew, I discovered numerous mistranslations in the Christian text. Slowly, I returned home to my people.
Through my intense study, I learned the deeper meanings of the Jewish concepts of G-d, commandments, devotion and prayer. The spirituality that I had longed for in my youth was in my own backyard the whole time.
I am married now, and my husband and I have dedicated our lives to G-d and to the Torah. Our children won't need to ask the question I was forced to ask myself: "Did I really give Judaism a chance?"
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